


"And how does that make you feel?"

by Nellycoo



Category: Iron Fist (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, F/M, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-10-14 14:22:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 18,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10538316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nellycoo/pseuds/Nellycoo
Summary: Ward has been left completely alone, with Danny and his Joy going AWOL, he can't take much more and decides to seek help. Dr. Ericka Swan is one of New York's finest shrinks, and maybe the one to soothe Wards pain now that his sister isn't there to do so.Dr. Swan is 29 years old, is very petite in size but long in the legs. She has very thick black hair and her eyes are dark green. Her lips are full and her face Is a little bit narrow. Classically beautiful in ways.





	1. Prologue

16:00pm

Wednesday 12th of May

First Session.  
He walked in stiff, quiet, and very reluctantly. I assumed at first he had been referred or even court ordered. But there were no notes on anything such thing, so I just assumed it was anxiousness. 

The problem with being a shrink is that you are constantly analysing people, even when you're not supposed to be. I knew the name very well, everyone did. 

The Meachum's were running Rand, they were New York business at its most diabolical yet savvy. 

He was orphaned young ,then instantly thrown into the life of cutting deals and fast money, it was no shock to me he had developed a drug problem, but there was more to it.

He stood slightly taller than myself. Tired yet soft eyes and a half smile that read, I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. The suit he wore was impeccable, and hugged his frame perfectly. 

It was hard to imagine him in anything else, he wore the 3 piece too damn well. His hair was as black as my own, and slicked back without a single part out of place. I couldn't wait to pull apart at the business man exterior and find that inner Ward that was hidden behind the Wall Street finery.

“Afternoon Ward, I'm Dr. Swan” I stood up from my chair and shook his hand. Once he finally made eye contact with me his jaw unclenched and his eyes softened even more.

“Hi” was his response, short and sweet, expected of course.

“Make yourself comfortable, would you like some water or coffee?” He held his hand up and shook his head silently. I smirked to myself, once again I expected such response. “I guess we can get right to it, we've not got all the time in the world but...an hour should be enough for now” I lowered my self slowly onto my chair and watched him. 

He sat with his back straight and his hands clasped together, I wondered if he knew how anxious he looked, or if he thought he just looked tough. The silence made him uncomfortable, I was used to it. I began scribbling down some things then sighed.

The first sessions are always the hardest, he needed to let go of so many things, I could see him desperately trying to keep them all from spilling out, but that's exactly what I wanted.

“Why are you here Ward? That's always going to be the million dollar question isn't it, we don't have to talk about it today or tomorrow, but we will have to, and I'm here to help....remember that” I was told I had a kind face. With sweet sleepy eyes you could trust. Helped with my line of work most of the time. He sat forward now, his body loosening ever so slightly. He looked away for a moment, then at his hands...then at me.

“I...um...it's been a rough couple of months” his voice cracked, it was barely noticeable, but nothing gets past me, not really. I took my glasses off and placed them on my pad. “Well....a rough decade or so really, I suppose I'm glutton for punishment, not coming to see someone sooner, but I always had Joy....had Joy” for a brief second I saw a light in his eyes when he mentioned her name, then it died as soon as he remembered something painful.

“Your sister? Where is she now?”

“She left, she looked at me with nothing but disappointment and pain in her eyes, then just left and I don't know where she is and I'm not....” his voice cracked again, he fought it still, this time he sat back and covered his mouth, still trying to fight it. He rubbed his jaw then stood up rather abruptly.

“Ward, do you need a minute” He paced back and forth. Then stopped, put his hands on his hips and shook his head.

“The day she left it felt like I had lost a limb, I haven't been home in weeks, I've been sleeping at the office, If I stop working I'm afraid I might actually die”   
he awkwardly laughed at the notion, then stopped as he noticed my concerned expression.

“Suicide?” He scoffed at my assumption, and rolled his eyes at me with childish impertinence.

“Please....I worked hard to get where I am in Rand and I will not jump out of one of those god damn windows just to hand it all to some board member next in line” Ward threw himself back down on the chair, making things lest intense for the both of us. Joy was clearly a raw point, and was something I wanted to work on.

“What about Danny? the prodigal son returned did he not?” Ward laughed and shook his head again. Clearly I wasn't asking the right questions at this point.

“Danny Rand... would rather play in the mountains with his girlfriend then run the company his father and my....his father help build, he's literally the least of my concerns right about now”

“Of course Ward, I don't care about Danny Rand, I care about you. My concern is you...this is about you and will always be about you” He seemed a little put off by the notion that somebody actually cared about him. The way his jaw unclenched and his eyes glazed over with this emotion I had yet to see. All I was seeing was pain and anger, till now. Ward remained silent for a moment. We shared some eye contact then his body tensed up again.

“I was told paying a hooker to say that to me would be cheaper than hearing it from you, you can't nurture me and expect my years of abuse and mental anguish to suddenly go away” I was expecting this, it was a wall I had to tear down in order to make any kind of progress with him.

“You're right I'm not your Mother or Sister.....I'm not going anywhere like they did....not until you get better, yes it's my job, but it's also my passion, your pain you shared with me today....is now mine, you don't have to bare the load Ward....not any more” I put down my pad and stood up. I perched myself on the arm of the chair by his side and handed him a card with my personal phone number on it.

“Believe me, this does not go out to many of my patients” He took it slowly from my fingers and looked at it for a while. “I won't bill you for a single second, minute or hour outside of this room”

“Despite your credentials on the wall, I'd say you were a damn fool” his smart-ass, sharp tone was never going to get to me, as much as he wished it would. I caught him glancing at my legs. My position had led my skirt to rise up a little. I stood up abruptly and walked back to my seat.

“Take it or leave it Ward, but we still have time to talk”

“Ya know....we don't....this was a bad idea, you're a quack and I'm done talking to you” That teenage snare in his tone was telling me enough about why he was the way he was. I just smiled and watched him stand up, adjust his tie then head for the door. “Thanks” was all he said before he left me alone with my notes and my thoughts.  
I knew he would come back, his reluctance to let anyone else close to him except his Sister would at first prove difficult to overcome, but he needed help, and he had no one else. As nasty as it sounded, what choice did he have. It was around 8pm when my cell rang, I was pouring myself a glass of wine when the vibrations on my marble counter top caught my eye. The number was unknown, but I knew who it was.


	2. Chapter 1

Ward was a man haunted, he trusted no one and I completely understood that. After our first session, the night he called my personal number, I knew it was different with him.  
I've had my fair share of manic depressives, BPD's and such. They all came to me with the hope that I could help them, and I did, and each one was as important as the other. But Ward was screaming to me for so much more, even if it he didn't physically ask me, it was deafening. Asking for help when you really don't want to is fucking hard, especially when you're a man like Ward Meachum. The face of a huge company, admitting weaknesses he was surely told were forbidden growing up, I couldn't imagine such mental turmoil.   
“I'm sorry for calling you a quack”

“It's fine, I've been called worse” I swirled my glass around and watched the deep red liquid dance in circles. 

“I'm sure....” he answered with a slight air of sarcasm. “Look can we start over, I promise I'm not usually like that....I've been told I'm rather quite charming” 

“I'm sure....” I played off him, gaining his trust was the most important thing and making things as relaxed as possible was the key. “We can absolutely start over Ward, how does tomorrow sound?”

“You can fit me in that soon?” he sounded relieved, genuinely. 

“I'll make time for it” Making time for him was again integral, and it seemed to bring him back to my corner. “Come to my office as soon as you're done for the day at yours....I'll wait for you” there was a slight pause on his part, I was concerned we had been disconnected. 

“Thank you” I sighed with relief when I heard him reply. I hung up and placed my phone carefully back on the counter top and enjoyed the rest of my evening, I chewed my nail briefly, then pulled it away. 

My past was riddled with pain and one mistake after the other. I was one bad night away from being a bloated corpse on the floor of a seedy motel but....that one person reaching out to me....pulling me from the brink and pushing me to become the person I am today....it's why I do what I do. All my patients are one bad night, day...week...month...year.... away from the brink, they all need someone to depend on and I wanted to be that person. Yeah sometimes it's hard, so hard I can barely take it.   
But it's always harder for them. I took my wine into my study and finished my evening on my own, like most evenings... 

 

Ward packed his brief case in kind of a rush. He'd just finished up the 3rd meeting of the day and did his best to just bolt for the elevator, avoiding anyone's gaze.

“Mr Meachum” Megan his assistant called out to him, unsure of why he was leaving so soon and so quickly. 

“I have an appointment” he lent on the wall by the elevator door by his picture, his patience tested. 

“Oh you didn't have it on the agenda for today, that's all Sir” His clenched his jaw and nodded. 

“Thanks for the concern Megan....don't worry I'll be back before curfew” the doors opened and he slid in without another word passing his lips.

Ward Meachum was an asshole to most if not all the people in his life. But there was one person he was never an asshole to, and that person abandoned him. He deserved to be alone, he blamed his Father for all that he has done and will do of course but at the end of the day, what happened to Joy....was on him. The nightmares plagued him, constantly. His Father would make regular appearances, but that moment when that bullet plunged into his baby Sister's stomach....nothing was more terrifying than that moment.   
The building where Dr. Swan's office was situated was a mere 10 minute walk, giving Ward a chance to once again scroll through the pictures of him and Joy on his phone to pass the time. It was comforting in a sadistic sort of way. What even is self care he thought to himself as he stopped at scrolling to cross the street. Maybe Dr. Swan could help him figure that one out along with everything else....

17:30pm

Thursday the 13th of May 

Session 2

It was just me left by the time he arrived, I'd sent Sebastian home, knowing full well it was after office hours, but I was known to run over or see people late in the evening so he never minded leaving me alone.

Dusk had fallen over Manhattan, and the lights from below were making their appearances for the evening, I longed for the summer nights, just to give me some light for my journey home. A gentle tap at my open door dragged me from my thoughts. I turned around from my window and noticed Ward looking around a little perplexed.  
“That kid from yesterday wasn't at the desk, thought I'd see myself through” He very cautiously stepped into the room and put his briefcase by the side of the very chair he sat in before. 

“He only gets paid till 5....but I'm sure we can be trusted up here alone don't you” I began to step slowly towards my chair.

“Depends on what you bring up I guess” He smiled and laughed awkwardly but I just tilted my head suggestively. His smile faded as I began to make myself a tea, I of course offered him a drink but he of course declined. We both sat in position. But instead of grabbing my notes, pad or even a pen I just sat there with my cup in hand and my glasses perched on the bridge of my nose. 

“So....how was your day Ward?"


	3. Chapter 2

He just stared at me. The way he sucked in his bottom lip, I was half expecting a snide reply.

“The same as everyday, I wake up and I take my cocktail of pills to keep the shakes at bay, I suppose you could call me a functioning addict. I'll shower, dress, and start my day. The first person to greet me in the morning is Megan and she is usually the last person that bids me farewell at night. Megan's not a terrible person, she has a nice smile and takes my crap daily....I just....want it to be someone else saying good morning for a change” I just nodded and gave him this sympathetic smile, listening was on the agenda, mostly. I couldn't ignore the sombre expression and glaze over his eyes. I knew that pain, so very well. “I'm sorry, was that too much for you?” I smirked and shrugged.

“Sounds like its too much for you” 

“You have no idea” He rubbed his brow and sat back, slouching almost, but it was a much more comfortable position than previous. I was getting somewhere. 

“SO you're telling me you have not a single soul to speak to? To spend time with?” 

“I had Danny and Joy growing up....then I just had Joy....kids don't tend to really flock to the emotionally damaged kid, regardless of wealth. I was too busy running a company to socialize, most of it was done through Joy, she's the approachable one”

“What about relationships” he scoffed at me and then lulled his head back.

“If you can call them that, one day they would be planning a future, as soon as my shit got too much for them...” he pointed to the door shaking his head.   
“Boy don't I know that” he pulled his head back up and looked at me with a look of intrigue on his face. “But we're talking about you right?”

“Sure....”

“Danny still away, why not reach out to him?”

“We have our moments but...his plate is.....beyond full” His eyes darted around, this topic made him slightly nervous. I wanted to jot it down but, I had opted for counselling rather than head shrinking. “He's not Joy....she is...she's the one I go to, We've had each others backs forever”

“Until now” I chirped in, and then sipped my tea nonchalantly, hoping it would get some kind of reaction from him. Of course it did. He fell silent, and he pondered over my comment for sometime. It was embedding into his mind.

“Well she has her reasons” his stern expression said it all. I sighed and pulled myself to the edge of my chair, uncrossing my legs I pushed them together, the nylon of my black tights rubbing just a little. 

“What ever you did Ward, I'm sure it wasn't enough to make her turn her back on you when you needed her the most, to me it seems your love for her is much stronger than her love for you” The way he glared at me, like I had said something that stung him, hit a nerve. I cocked an eyebrow as his shoulders tensed up and his upper lip twitched, he was biting back something. “You make it out like it's always been Joy and Ward against the world, but...maybe it's just been you?”

“Enough...ENOUGH...you don't know me...you don't know Joy” He balled his fists and grit his teeth at me. But he wasn't leaving. My voice got a little stern I'd admit, but he needed to hear what I had to say.

“Then tell me! tell me about what it was like having Harold as a father, becoming the head of a huge company at 18, Ward I want to know, I want to help, but you have to talk to me, because I am all you have right now” I held my hand out to him....my palm opened up for Ward to put his trust in me. I must have looked like a sentimental fool, and perhaps it was a little unethical, but then again they did call me the most expensive maverick in the field. Ward's hand moved from his lap....and began to make its way slowly to mine. It hovered for a second, then he grabbed my hand. This was hard for him, all of it was. Admitting he needed help and showing vulnerability to me, someone he barely knew. “Just until Joy and Danny come back, I've got your back ok?”

“Ok” he replied in a quiet low tone. His eyes darted around, now and then glancing at me. I slipped my hand from his very gently and placed it back into my lap.

I encouraged him to carry on as we got a little more comfortable. Ward once again touched on the fact he was spending time at the office, rather than home. He thought about staying at Joy's place to take care of her dog but....he said he wasn't ready to be around her things. Each time he mentioned her his body just crumbled, his eyes dimmed and his voice cracked. I thought I'd need the tissues, but he always fought back those emotions, he'd been practicing for sometime it seemed.

“Just before we wrap up....and I know this wasn't really on my agenda this evening but...I think we should touch on Harold...I'm sensing...”

“No...” Ward response was short and sharp. I straightened my back and frowned at him. “Not yet, I need....maybe next time ok” 

“Sure....whenever you're ready Ward, how about we book you in for next week, same time?”

“I can make office hours you know” He seemed put off by the suggestion of another evening session. So I obliged and penned him in for a lunch time next week. We both stood up at the same time and we stood semi closely in front of one another. My feet ached in my shoes and my back hurt no doubt, but I was a little sad to be saying goodnight to Ward. We were just scratching the surface, but he wanted his time alone and I needed mine. 

“Thank you” he buttoned up his jacket and nodded at me before darting for the door. 

“Goodnight Ward” I crossed my arms across my chest and smiled warmly in his direction. He turned and looked back at me before leaving for the elevator, catching my smile. Then he was gone. 

I pulled my hair out from its up-do and sighed slapping my hand on the side on my thigh. I already felt my self getting far to attached to Ward. But I saw so much of my own pain from my past in his eyes and his words. Sure he was a little rich boy growing up and I was far from that, but it didn't make his issues less worthy of my time or less similar to my own for that matter. I grabbed my things and my purse and started to head home, wondering whether or not it was a good idea to take him on as a patient in the first place....


	4. Chapter 3

Asking Ward about his day got me thinking about my own routine. I woke up, alone. Ate breakfast alone. I didn't have anyone to say “see you tonight” to. I found it hard to maintain any kind of relationship with a person because so many were so dependent on me. I'd been on dates before where the cops had called me up to tell me I needed to come pick up my patient, or the hospital. I never begrudged any of them my time, it was just easier to be....alone. I had friends but they were just as occupied as I was. We'd get together maybe once a month, no more than that, although they were post “getting my life together” they didn't know my past and I wanted it to stay that way. I drank the same coffee every morning, took the same route and greeted Seb in the same way as soon as I got into the office...every morning. I had to keep a level of monotony because routine was safe. It kept me from spiraling. I jogged and read copious amounts of books in my spare time and watched old films on Sundays. It was the same day in and day out but....it worked. But I believed it wasn't what Ward needed. He needed change, finding a new place was a start. I wondered if something had transpired at his current home to cause his reluctance to be there. 

“Ericka” the sound of my own name being called to me dragged me from my deep thoughts. It was Sebastian of course, I had been standing in my doorway out of it completely. 

“Seb” I replied dully keeping my arms crossed.

“You seem like you have so much on your mind, like way more than usual” He tapped his pen to this temple then grinned. 

“You have no idea, so whose up next” 

“Harriet Grey, I'll send her straight through when she gets here shall I?” I nodded in his direction then finally entered my office, preparing for Harriet Grey, a woman suffering with sever post natal depression. My mind drifted again, I was getting angry at myself, I was thinking about Mr. Meachum far too much. But I was truly fascinated. 

 

Megan hurried out of the elevator with her keys in her mouth and her hands full of white paper bags. It was her turn to bring in breakfast, but the queue's were unbelievable so of course she was a little behind schedule. As some of her fellow employees gathered around her yanking their warm breakfast treats from her desk she clocked Ward staring at her. Her back stiffened as he began to make his way out and towards her domain. She handed him his own bag and smiled that charming way she always did. 

“Sir, sorry I'm late I misjudged my timing” he just looked down at the bag, then back at her. He smiled, she almost collapsed down into her chair.

“You're fine Megan....Thanks” she just looked at him with a rather dumbfounded look on her face. 

“Is he using again?” another assistant lent in and whispered towards Megan. She hushed her and frowned. But something had certainly changed. Maybe Joy came home....maybe he was on the drugs again. Either way, she didn't hate that he seemed like he was getting better....

 

Session 3

Thursday 20th of May 13:45pm

Ward walked in as I was still clearing up from my previous appointment. Sebastian had just sent him in, I wasn't angry but I felt like I needed to prepare. I had hold of a small whiteboard and a marker and my body language instantly gave me away. I was pleased to see him, and by the suggestive smile he sent my way, the feeling was mutual.

“Is that some sort of therapy technique” he took off his jacket and placed it very carefully on the back of the chair. 

“Some people find it easier to draw or write down what they want or need to say...maybe we might try it someday” 

“Maybe” he sat himself down comfortably as I finished packing away. I felt him watching me fiddle at my desk. “I've been trying to be a little more positive at work” I turned to face him with a grin I couldn't even attempt to hide.

“Elaborate” I walked steadily to my seat as Ward sat down himself. 

“Megan was late today, but it wasn't her fault, not really....instead of being an asshole to her about it, I thanked her for going out of her way to get us breakfast” I chewed my pen cap then titled my head. 

“Was it hard for you to stray away from that instinct to yell at her?” 

“Thing is...I didn't want to giver her shit for it at all...I suppose you could say that I tend to take out my own frustrations out on those around me because...I have no idea how to deal with them correctly” 

“It's common for a lot of people to lash out like that when going through stress or trauma, and it's great that you're straying away from it, but we both know that's not the only way you cope with it” He hit me with some sad eyes, he was hiding his mad eyes. “But we've got time to get to that, sooner than later I hope though” I watched intently as he rubbed his hands together nervously. We both sat silently. “Ward I want to talk about Harold, do you think you could handle that today?” He stopped rubbing his hands and looked towards me, the eyes grew sadder, I saw an ounce of fear behind them too. My heart was beating so fast it fucking hurt. He just shook his head like an anxious child, his eyes still locked onto my own.

“Not to worry, I always meant it when I said we go at the pace you want to, I guess I just want to help you so much I tend to forget I can't rush these things” I began to chew my pen again....then I pulled it away from my mouth abruptly. “I'm sorry”

“I'M sorry, maybe if I wasn't so....traumatized we'd have this sorted in no time right” He joked with me and I couldn't help but smile, but his trauma was no laughing matter.  
“Harold isn't something we can just go over after a few sessions though, trust me”

“Oh I do” I sat forward, engaging as much as I could. “I do Ward, maybe....the best thing to focus on is finding you a safe space, your own mini fortress of solitude shall we say” He scoffed at my comic book reference, but a smile did appear. “I never asked exactly why it is you feel you can't sleep at home....if you're sleeping at all that is”

“I just don't feel safe there...”

“Ok....no need to go on if you can't, that's enough for me....how about I help you look for a new place...its at least a start” He pondered over my proposition, and sucked in his bottom lip in the process. 

“I'd....thanks....that...” It was odd seeing him tripping over his words. But he knew it was safe for him to be totally vulnerable in this room.

“It's fine Ward...you don't have to gush over the sentiment, I figure that's something a little alien to you” I stood up and patted his shoulder as I made my way over to my coffee machine. “Unless you want to gush, then my friend gush away” I shot him a wide shiny smile. 

“Please stop saying gush” we both shared a laugh, then silence fell again in the room as I made myself and Ward and drink. I didn't offer him one I just began to make it. He took it black of course. 

I felt really good about the session. Even though we didn't even touch on Harold and Joy wasn't brought up, at all....I did feel some progress was being made. But I was a little concerned about myself. Chewing my pen lid and giggling, I fucking hated denial, but I was certainly falling into it when I came to mine and Ward's professional relationship. Just before Ward left I put my hand gently on his upper arm, turning him to face me. Those sad eyes were fading, they became softer in a much more positive way. 

“You take care...I'll see you next week? Same time?” 

“Yeah...maybe I can figure my shit out and we can actually get somewhere”

“We're making good progression, trust me?” I pulled my hand from his arm and let it drop to my side. He paused for a moment looking down at the floor, then his eyes traveled up my body, eventually stopping at my own gleaming green eyes. 

“Sure....” he backed away and out the door, I watched him speak with Sebastian for a moment, then dash for the closing elevator doors.  
Little did I know that after what I assumed to be a successful session, Ward wouldn't turn up for his fourth session...


	5. Chapter 4

I've had clients miss sessions before, without any reason they would just not show up for weeks then appear at my office like nothing happened. I'd be pissed....but washed over with relief. Ward missed one session, I chalked it up to either being busy at work or avoidance. I know I can be a little to forward with my methods, but I believed they worked. Then another week passed...I tried calling him but got no message. I called for him at work and was told the same thing over and over again. Mr Meachum is currently out of the office, if you would like to leave a message then please do so. By the sounds of it, they didn't even know where he was. 

“Seb, I'm heading over to Rand, I'll have to reschedule this entire day, could you handle that?” I stood before his desk, shaking almost. He noticed my concerned demeanour, but he did well not to question me about it. 

“Sure thing” I nodded silently and left Seb to handle it, I knew I could rely on him, why I hired the guy in the first place. I felt this air of judgement coming from him. I chose to ignore it. 

I was at the Rand building in no time, speed walking in Manolo was not recommended but, I needed to have peace of mind, just so I could continue with my life and my career.   
“Oh good morning, my name is Doctor Ericka Swan I'm here to see Mr. Meachum” I handed the gentleman behind the desk my ID and smiled my prize winning smile. Hiding any ounce of anxiety I was currently riddled with.

“You don't have an appointment Doctor, are you his physician?” he looked awfully puzzled as he scrolled through his computer.

“Yes, well one of, he should have me as a contact surely?” I lent over the desk, my anxiety slipping out a little more each time he shook his head or looked at me with confusion.

“Sorry Doctor, you're not listed, you can make an appointment and we can work aro...”

“That's ridiculous...sorry....it's just Ward has missed 2 weeks of appointments and I'm just...”

“Excuse me” I turned quickly on my heel, ready to snap at the impatient individual behind me. But before I could spit my venom she spoke.

“Are you looking for Mr Meachum” a rather radiant looking short black woman stood before me, with as much as a worried look on her face as my own. “You're who he's been seeing for the last few weeks right?” she clutched her purse straps nervously.

“Well according to this gentleman, I'm not on his contacts list” I stepped towards her a little, hoping she would give me the answers I was so desperately looking for. “But you know about me”

“I'm Megan, his assistant. Usually I know his schedule, but he never mentioned the times he went to see you, but I had a feeling he'd started seeing a shrink...I guess you're here because you're wondering why he hasn't shown up the last couple weeks” Megan, the doting and long suffering assistant. My heart bled for her a little.

“Normally if a client doesn't show up for a few sessions without calling I tend to just check up on them, make sure nothing bad has happened....but by the way you're standing and that look on your face...something has” 

“The night he came back from you're last session, he was fine, in fact he asked me to find him some real estate agents to help him look for a new place, he was smiling....it was....odd. Then when I came in the next day, the booze from his office was all gone and his desk was a mess. I think he's relapsed but god knows why....did you speak to him that night at all?” hearing this cut me deep. I felt like I had not only failed Ward but myself. We began to walk out of the building as we continued to talk.

“No...do you know where he would go”

“We've checked his place, even Joy's. I've also tried contacting Mr.Rand...Danny....but he's still unreachable. I've spent so long looking for Joy....now I have to look for both of them?” 

“Ward isn't your responsibility Megan, he may be your boss, and you take some obligation to find him, but don't feel like you have to look for him, he hasn't just jetted off for a much needed vacation and just not told anyone?” that was all I was hoping for, that Ward has just gone AWOL to relax and try the self healing process....but by the way Megan described his office, I had to face the reality that Ward was far worse than I first thought.

“His passport and most of his clothes were still at his place....there's only one other place he may be but...” Megan paused for a moment then looked up at me with a look I dreaded seeing in peoples eyes. “Years ago, Ward went on a bender and Joy found him in this hotel with these...people, he was so out of it Joy had to carry him out of the room it was awful. There's a chance...he may be there” My heart ached. I closed my eyes and sighed shaking my head.

“Where is it?” my tone was sharp.

“It's in Hell's Kitchen, piece of shit building looks like it's from some kind of horror flick, it's called The Victoria” I nodded and hailed for a cab. “Do you want me to come with you” part of me wanted to call her out for assuming this was my first rodeo....but going alone to a hotel known for junkies, I'd be foolish.

“Maybe best if you did, just in case we have to drag him out of there” We both slumped into the cab and began to make our way over to Hells Kitchen....

 

In my mind I envisioned Megan and I storming into that hotel like a couple of cowboys bursting through the saloon doors. But in reality, Megan stood so close to me it was almost impossible to walk. The lobby was lit so dimly it was hard to see where to walk, making sure we didn't trip up on any loose carpet. The smell of damp was heavy in the air, it took me back to a time I'd thought long behind me. I told Megan to hold her purse tightly and watch herself as we reached the front desk. The woman sat with her shoes up on the desk, her pantyhose rolling down unceremoniously one leg as a cigarette hung from her red stained lips. She also had on a poorly glued on blonde wig with a pair of reading glasses matted within it. It seemed unreal. 

“You lost?” was her response to us. I twisted my neck and scoffed. Megan pulled a picture up of Ward on her phone and held it up to the woman. She yanked the glasses from her wig and slid them on to look at the picture. 

“No but he is....we have reason to believe this man may be residing here” she pondered over the picture then spat in a flower pot beside her. I stepped back disgusted as did Megan. 

“You cops?” she mumbled still studying the photo.

“Do we look like fucking cops” I was losing patience, to be honest I had lost it weeks ago. She sat back comfortably in her chair and shrugged.

“Lot's of people come through here....faces end up blurring into one after a while” she took a long drag on her cigarette then stubbed it out in a already pretty full ashtray. I rolled my eyes. I knew what this bitch wanted. I checked my purse as discretely as I could and pulled out every last bit of cash I had. I slammed it on the filthy desk and pushed it in her direction. Her smile was unpleasant, yellow teeth with a little bit of red lipstick on them. But I knew I was getting somewhere. Fucking should do, there was at least $300 in that pile.

“The Patrick Bateman wannabe came through here about a week ago, room 102...take the spare key ,if he's dead don't think about calling anyone, you drag his ass out yourself out the back then call someone” she coughed and hacked while handing me the key. I snatched it from her and stomped towards the elevator. The smell of blood and urine was overpowering.

“I'll go in first, just in case” 

“In case of what...” I didn't want to answer that question, I remained silent as we stopped at the second floor, the doors struggled to open and we stepped out onto a hideously stained carpet. I kept Megan close to me and told her not to touch the walls, or look at anyone. The scene was getting much more familiar, and I felt myself losing control of my emotions rapidly. Triggering wasn't even the word. But someone needed me more than I needed to protect myself from my own demons. I stopped at room 102 and held the key over the keyhole, my hand shaking noticeably. I took several deep breaths and unlocked the door.   
Now the second I stepped into that room, it felt exactly like that day, way back when someone that cared about me dearly pulled me from the floor and cleaned me up for good. The only difference was that Ward was lying on the bed when we found him. The room smelt of booze and sweat, the blinds were tightly shut and the floor was covered in empty booze and pill bottles and empty baggies. 

“Megan wait outside” She shouldn't have to see this I thought stopping her from following me. I stepped lightly towards his sleeping self, hoping he was still breathing. I went to touch his bare chest, but stopped as I watched it rise and fall slowly. I knelt down by his side and touched his arm gently and began to shake him. Fully prepared for what kind of reaction I would get, I held my breath, hoping that if he hit me, it wouldn't hurt too much. 

“Ward...Ward...” He stirred and groaned. I shook him a little harder. “Ward...” His eyes opened very slowly as I gripped his arm a little tighter. Just relieved to know he was at least responsive. “It's Ericka....Dr. Swan” he grinned this cheeky kind of smile and rolled onto his side. Still high as a fuck it seemed. I pulled my hand away from his arm and pushed his sweaty black hair from his face. 

“How did you find me” he went to touch my face, I pulled away from his advance and sighed.

“I had some help, shall we get you out of here” I tried to remain as calm and collected as possible, but I was losing a grip on the situation. Why have you done this....why Ward....I thought we were getting somewhere.

“But...this is my new place...he'll never see me here...I'm safe here” he slurred horrendously sitting up a little. 

“Who....who are you safe from?” my voice cracked, keep it together I kept telling myself. But the more I watched Ward struggle to string sentences together, and seeing the state of him...it was fucking hard.

“Harold...he can't see me here...no one can” his head lulled down then he pulled it back up again to look at me. 

“Well of course he can't...he's dead Ward...he can't get to you...you know that right?” He laughed this almost deranged and pain-filled laugh in my face. I was scared a little, but I powered through. “Come on...I'll take you somewhere safer, you trust me right?” He once again went to touch me, this time my hair, which hung down to my shoulders curled and bouncy. He twirled it playfully, completely lost to his high. It took some time but I managed to get Ward dressed. All he had was a navy t-shirt, jeans and some black sneakers, it was the most dressed down I'd ever seen him. I eventually found his phone, smashed to pieces and his wallet....which was empty. It took even longer for him to stand up right and even walk evenly. As much as I didn't want Megan to see, she had to help me get his ass out of that room. 

“Are we taking him back to his place” Megan struggled just as much as me as we hobbled clumsily out of the elevator and towards one of the first exits leading out to an ally. 

“No....no he can't be there, I'll take him back to my place....trust me I know how to handle this, I've had experience” the fresh air hit us all like wall of relief. Ward perked up a little and stumbled forward pulling away from both Megan and I. 

“WARD” fear overcame me and I let my emotions get the better of me, I grabbed him and gripped onto him so tightly, like I never wanted to let go. 

“Thanks” he slurred, I turned and looked at Megan. 

“You've got my number, I'll make sure he gets the help he needs”

“You sure you can handle....this” Megan walked ahead of Ward and I, towards the roadside. 

“Trust me, I certainly do, thanks for helping me....you shouldn't have to deal with this...”

“You're right, he's gonna have to look for a new assistant by the time he sorts his shit out....I don't get paid enough for this shit” and with that she left. Her reaction was sound, I'd be the same if I wasn't so hopelessly devoted to helping people like Ward. Somehow I kept my shit together all the way to my apartment, with Ward who drifted in and out of consciousness, much to my displeasure. 

There was a moment of extremely twisted content, where Ward and I sat in the back of the cab and his head rested on my shoulder peacefully. I looked out the window, fighting any urge to rest my head against his own.   
I felt like despite everything, I had kept it together so damn well. But the second Ward slumped onto my couch, I broke. I rushed to my bathroom and slammed the door shut, breaking down on the floor. I clutched the edge of my bathtub and screamed and sobbed at the top of my lungs. I wanted the world to hear my pain, even if it was just a moment. I eventually pulled myself up from the floor and looked at myself briefly. Black lines ran down my flushed cheeks, my eyes so red and swollen. I sniffed a couple times and wiped away the last of my tears before I exited my bathroom and made my way to Ward's side.   
He was sitting up, his head was in his hands and he was rocking back and forth.   
“Ward” My voice was stern but with an air of softness to it. He looked up at me, still sweating, but this time tears fell from those sad bloodshot eyes.....


	6. Chapter 5

I helped him up from the couch and pointed him to the bathroom. He lent on me, still a little shaky on his feet. 

“Take a shower, take a minute...just...let's get you back to the world of the functioning” He nodded, still unable to speak much. I watched him shuffle towards my bathroom and lean on the doorway, he paused there for a moment, then slammed the door shut. My body was exhausted, as was my mind. I collapsed onto the floor by the bathroom and lent my head on the wall, fighting the urge to fall asleep. I hated how tired I got after my emotional breakdowns. I took my phone from my jacket pocket and called Seb. 

“Send me the number for that rehab centre in Vermont...uh....the one Diana Stephenson works at”

“Everything ok Ericka?” 

“Just send me the number, and I know I don't usually ask you to run errands but I need you to grab some things for me” 

As much as I tried to fight it, I dozed off, for only a moment. I could have slept longer, if Ward hadn't opened the bathroom door and stirred me from my dreamless sleep. I fumbled up to my feet and watched as he emerged, followed by a cloud of steam and the feint smell of my shower gel. I should have turned and looked away, he was wearing nothing but a towel....barely might add...but I didn't. I crossed my arms and sighed heavily, my eyes unsure where to look.

“Seb's bringing you some clean clothes, I guessed your size so forgive me if they don't fit quite right....take one of the robes from the back of the door if you want” he yanked one of the white robes and began to slide it over his shoulders, covering his still wet chest and stomach.

“You seem awfully calm for someone who just had to drag one of her patients out of a seedy hotel” That shower really knocked some coherence into him I thought a little surprised he even spoke. 

“I have a great poker face” 

“I am....so sorry” I turned away from him and began to walk towards my couch, the grey fabric still creased from where Ward was slumped on it before. 

“For what?” I kicked my shoes off and took off my jacket throwing it on the floor. “Don't apologise for this, never apologise for who you are and what you are going through, your pain is valid and that is why I am here....to help you, we've been through this Ward” I slapped my hand against my thigh in frustration and threw myself onto the couch. 

“I know...and I should have called you instead of ya know...going off the deep end” I watched him carefully walk towards me, I expected him to take the chair that sat the other side of my coffee table, but instead he sat beside me, close enough so I could smell the shampoo he had just used. “I wanted to call you, I tried so hard but....for me it's easier taking the pills” I noticed his hand shaking, and his voice trembling. I took his hand very gently into my own and cleared my throat.

“I was about 16 years old when my school councilor found me on the floor of this nightmare motel in New Jersey. I had smoked so much crack that I couldn't remember the last 3 days....needless to say I was maybe a few more days from being a dead 16 year old. I actually remember him lifting me up and literally throwing me over his shoulder that day. Now he had absolutely no obligation to follow me to the Jersey shore, clean up my piss and vomit and drive me back home but he did. And he had no obligation to get me clean and help me finish high school but he did it anyway because...he cared about his work and he cared about me, someone who literally was beyond hope” The way Ward turned and looked at me, was priceless. I couldn't help but laugh a little awkwardly pushing my hair back. “Don't get me wrong it was fucking hard, but because of Isaac, that one person....I got through it”

“Jesus, I would have never thought...”

“Exactly, I mean of course the abusive parents and mental anguish still linger with me, they always will....but I cope with them, just like I'm going to help you get through this” I squeezed his hand a little tighter, with nothing but affection. Ward turned his gaze towards me, and he looked a little overwhelmed. “What brought this on Ward...” we still held hands, it was completely unnecessary but he seemed reluctant to let go. 

“I was feeling pretty ok about our session, I tried to...I headed home for the first time in...god knows how long” My heart ached, I felt responsible for his attempt to make 10 steps forward when he wasn't ready. “I wanted to....I dunno, I can't even begin to explain to you the kind of fucked up shit that's gone on in my life....I can't” his voice began to tremble a little bit. 

“Try me....”

“You'll think I'm insane” he whispered, it ached hearing him whisper to me. The fear and suffering I heard in his voice...I had to know what was going on.

“Try Me” I repeated myself and bit down on my bottom lip, hard enough the skin began to break.

“My Dad....” before he could continue my fucking apartment bell rang. It must have been Sebastian with Ward's clothes. I pulled away from Wards grip reluctantly and let Seb up. I met him in the hallway and grabbed the bags from his grasp. 

“You're a life saver truly, you're getting a raise” I smiled a little and looked in the bag.

“Nice....Look...Ericka you've got appointments rescheduled for tomorrow....will this need your FULL attention tomorrow as well?” I didn't appreciate the tone, but he was right. I did have other patients, and as much as my heart was set on Ward I couldn't prioritize him. 

“I'll get Ward in the clinic by tonight, I'll be back on form tomorrow, today is a full day's pay by the way” 

“Double nice” Seb cheered a little and left me alone in my hallway, I stepped back into my apartment and turned to see Ward still sitting patiently on my couch, watching me intently. I handed him the bags slowly.

“You can get changed in my bedroom, excuse the mess” He took the bag carefully from me and stood up. Without my shoes on the man did hang over me a little, and the warmth coming from his freshly washed skin was damn welcoming. 

“Thank you” I stepped back and let him pass to my room, he changed quickly and rocked the polo shirt and jeans Seb had picked up for him nicely.  
“How much do I owe you...”

“Fuck no....it's fine, honestly it's nothing special I just wanted to give you some dignity back Ward” I held out my hand to him, just like before. I wanted to get him back into that safe comfortable position with me, he had to trust me, I needed him to trust me. Instead of taking my hand, his hand rested on my shoulder. Ward was pulling me in for a hug, and I was more than willing to give it to him. My chin rested on his shoulder neatly as I felt his arms wrap around me so tightly, but it wasn't too binding or even uncomfortable. I stroked the back of his slightly damp hair as we shared the embrace for perhaps longer than we should have. We pulled away only somewhat, enough to look back at one another. I sighed, he smirked.

“That sigh does not bode well for me does it” I sucked in my slightly chapped bottom lip and pulled my gaze away from his.

“Ward I want to get you into my friends clinic, just to help you through the withdrawals from the binge...I know work is ridiculously demanding but....I can't let you go back into to it...not after what I saw” His hands slowly slipped from my body and he rubbed his arms nervously. “I will still visit you for sessions, I'll drive up every day if you want me to” I could see this calmed him, his look soften and his jaw wasn't as clenched. He nodded in agreement. 

“Told you I wouldn't let you do this alone” I stepped back and grabbed my phone to call the clinic up. I watched from afar as Ward scrolled through his phone. His hand was shaking, but I remained distant. I caught a glimpse of him making a phone call, it was brief but it seemed to drain him a little more than expected, as once he was back into my living room he was slumped on my couch rubbing his brow. I took very cautious steps back to where he sat, I looked down hoping he would look back up at me. 

“Who did you call?”

“Danny” I was met with a short sharp tone . “Well I left him a message...and left Joy a message...just in case” 

“They should be here....they should know” I went to caress his shoulder, but had to stop myself again. The lines between professionalism and unhealthy relationship were blurring, but I just wanted to comfort him....god I just wanted to help him. 

“Mmhm” was all he replied with staring down the black mirror in his hand. Hoping either Danny or Joy's name would appear on the screen, reaching back out to him. 

“Maybe we can get someone to get some items to take with you to the clinic? Head over to your home for you? I could if need be”

“No...no, I'll get Megan to do it....oh shit Megan....sure she's writing up her god damn resignation letter as we speak” He sat forward and looked up at me, hopefully I wouldn't confirm his assumption. I shrugged.

“Oh come on Ericka...” He sat up then paused. “Dr. Swan” my cheeks flushed as I sat down next to him and pointed to his phone.   
“Call her and grovel” We shared a slight laugh together, it cut some of the strong tension in the room. But it wasn't enough. Those sad eyes were hard to not fall deep into...


	7. Chapter 6

We had some time before the car would arrive to pick him up, he remained rather silent as I tidied up around him, now and then checking his phone to see if any of his supposed loved ones were going to reach out to him. My heart ached a little more every time I watched him do it. Hopelessly devoted wasn't even the word for it.

“So,my Dad,” Ward's voice bounced towards me and certainly caught me off guard. I stopped pottering around. I stood perfectly still and cleared my throat.

“Ward, we don't have to if you're not up to it… it's been an exhausting day… I know how hard this must be and how desperate you are to get better but I can't have you overwhelmed again. I wouldn't be able to carry on knowing I rushed your recovery.” I straightened my stance as I watched him stand up and walk over to me.

“I Just wanted you to know that he was the reason for what happened… his effect… his… presence… you have been nothing but incredible and I apologise for dismissing you when we first met.” I could feel the pull again. The pull I had been so desperately trying to fight. In my entire professional career as a psychiatrist I had never felt anything like this for a patient, but I suppose I hadn't met anyone quite like Ward. The room felt a lot smaller for some reason, it was an odd sensation. Like it was just us in this confined space and it felt safe and familiar. I was screaming at myself to step away and carry on tidying but I remained in place.

“My ego doesn't need boosting any more but I appreciate the kind words… but what I would appreciate more is you eating… Please let me make you something before we leave.” I found myself rather fond of the sly smiles he always threw my way, but this time I got a full blown grin and it was heart-warming.

“You've done enough for me today.” That beautiful smile, fuck....

“I really haven't,” I tilted my head as I replied with my extremely soft and coy tone. For a second I saw this glint in his eyes, just for a second, then it died and he stepped back from me pushing his hair once again from his face. His stubble covered jaw clenching like always and his shoulders tensed intensely. It seemed clear he was struggling with his own morals when it came to our relationship. I had to defuse the tension and suggesting dinner was my only solution.

“I make a decent chicken parm… it's not the fanciest of dishes but it always makes me feel better.” I watched closely as his shoulders bounced, he was chuckling. He turned to me and held up a hand.

“I could go for that.” I sighed with relief and nodded, tiptoeing towards the kitchen.

“Take a seat, Sir.” I pointed to my dining table by the window. That fucked up sense of tranquility came to me, like it did in the cab earlier. I looked off distantly as I pulled what I needed from the pantry. My work ethics were all kinds of messed up at this point, and the situation was nothing to be pleased with… but it was nice to actually prepare a meal for someone, to share it with someone. I noticed Ward wasn't seated as I turned to check on him. He was glancing over my photos. I watched him pick up my graduation photo and look down at it for some time. I grew a little anxious but carried on with my food prep, I hated how I looked in that photo but it was my constant reminder, that it got better.

“Ignore my crooked teeth and green hair.” I turned around and waved a spatula around frantically.  
In true Ward fashion he scoffed and just stared down at it, paying me no mind. I didn't say anything else and let him be as I carried on in my own screwed up domestic bliss.

The two of us sat opposite one another at my dining table, I had thought about pulling a bottle of white from the chiller, but instead I opted for water. The dim light that reflected off the both of us lit Ward perfectly, he smoothed his hair back into place as best he could and unbuttoned the polo he wore a little further down. I looked down at my outfit, still wearing my work clothes, now fabulously stained with sauce and fat. I've looked worse, I thought, brushing something suspect from my chest.

“I'm sorry it's so basic but… sometimes all you need is comfort food… just some normality can be extremely therapeutic.” Ward nodded in agreement and began to cut away at his food. I hoped for more of a response but in reality I was just glad he was eating something, I knew after my binges back in the day I wouldn't even look at food, let alone eat it. He was a lot tougher than I gave him credit for.

“Why is Chicken Parm your comfort food, most people choose pizza or cookie dough....” after some time in silence Ward broke it, thank god, I thought, swallowing my food.

“My Mom wasn't much of a cook....wasn't much of a Mother really, so when I just couldn't deal with another night of Instant noodles with potato chips crushed on top, I would go down to this old ladies house. She would make this Chicken Parm and it was… it made me feel like a normal kid, like I was round my Grandma's house ya know?” Ward nodded with a mouthful as I continued. “It was the first thing I learned to cook… and it seems to be the only thing I can cook decently.” I sipped my water to clear my throat, I wasn't great at bringing up my past even though I listened to others painful memories all time. “I'm sure you're used to the finest cuisine, Mr. Meachum… how does it feel slumming it?”

“It's pretty damn good, I mean it's not the Ivy but… I can't fault it one bit.” Wards phone vibrated and the soft smile he once had faded and that look of focus and concern appeared again. He snatched his phone from my table and pressed it to his ear.

“Megan… thanks for that… sure I'll send over the address… I owe you more than a raise… I know… she is......” He hung up and looked over to me, my cheeks must have been noticeably flushed.

“Are you warm, Doc?” I rolled my eyes and pressed my hand to my cheek....

 

I went to clear the table and I felt Ward place his hand onto my forearm. I almost pulled away, but he was just insisting he cleared up after dinner.

“You've done more than anyone has done for me in a LONG time… don't be so righteous and let me help YOU.” He stood up from his seated position and very gently took the plate from my hand. Time was getting on, the car would be here soon to take him away and I was trying so very hard to deny any feeling of sadness. Megan arrived promptly with some of Ward’s things. I left him upstairs to clean as I met her outside.

“How is he?” there was some air of concern to her voice, perhaps she wasn't as angry as I thought.

“Better, he's eaten, showered… just a little worried about getting him to the clinic, I've shown him pictures but who knows how he will react when we actually get there.” I bit my nails.  
“You're going above and beyond for him… you usually do this kind of thing for your patients?” We both knew the answer to that question.

“Special circumstances call for special treatment, shall we say.” She nodded but didn't seem convinced. “Have you contacted Danny… or Joy? Ward attempted but to no avail.”

“Joy hasn't returned any of mine or Ward’s calls in months… Danny has been in and out of contact so I'm hoping for some response after what happened… someone who is the actual FACE of the company needs to chair it while Ward takes some time off.”

“Couldn't agree more, but I don't want anyone contacting him while he's there… please”

“Alright… I'll keep in contact with you then, ok?” I nodded and took the bags from her promptly. I wasted no time heading back upstairs, I was still nervous about leaving him alone.


	8. Chapter 7

“You sure you're able to come out everyday to see me? I mean you don't owe me anything but....a little stability while I'm there would help” I was a little distracted watching the city skyline fade behind us. Driving up-state was always such a surreal experience and my mind wandered in long car journeys, but Ward needed assurance.

“I promise” I turned and looked at him. Although he seemed a little more bright eyed earlier; that had surely faded and the withdrawals were certainly kicking in. Sweat appeared just a tiny bit at his hairline and I noticed he'd turned slightly pale. The butterflies got worse for me the closer we got, I found it difficult to keep the conversation light and positive, every time I looked at Ward he was either haplessly staring at his phone or rubbing his brow in exhaustion, was I internally beating myself up for not making this any easier for him? you bet your ass. The more I watched Ward suffer the harder it got to fight the lump that was growing ever so rapidly in my throat. 

We pulled up close to around 9pm. We had been driving for hours but it felt like moments. Ward and I just sat there, contemplating when to actually leave the car. A clinic staff member came out in a white tunic to greet us, but I just wanted to have one last moment in the back of this car with him before we had to jump in feet first. 

“You sure about this....here is your get out of rehab free card....like I said before Ward I don't want you to rush anything” He lent back in his seat and exhaled heavily. 

“It's ok Ericka...I can do this, you think so right?” He glanced over at me as I nodded in agreement. We didn't have to say anything, we just embraced longingly in the back of the car. I squeezed him so fucking tight, he stroked the back of my head....it was far too bittersweet for my liking. 

“Is it bad that I don't wanna let go” Ward whispered in my ear and the lump in my throat was almost choking me. I couldn't speak....I just kept hugging him, squeezing tighter and tighter. 

“Lets get you inside shall we” I had to respond, I had to remain somewhat responsible, and professional. It was hard to pull away. I signaled for someone to grab Ward's bag from the trunk of the car, I shook hands with the young lady in her white tunic, I questioned whether or not Diana was here. 

“She's been waiting for you in her office, I assume she forgot how long the drive is from Manhattan” 

“You're telling me” I laughed awkwardly and turned back to watch Ward walk towards me. His hands were shaking, I took his trembling hands into my own and steadied them.

“You've got this” I reassured him in a whisper, slipped my hands away and opted to walk beside him as we checked in.

Checking into Rehab is very much like stepping into an alternate reality. One in which everyone around you is either just like you or worse off than you. The outside world ceases to exist and all you can focus on is getting over any kind of withdrawal or craving you may have. Dr. Stephenson's clinic was the most expensive I'd ever visited, it looked more like a spa than a rehab centre. Hopefully Ward felt more like he was on vacation than being “imprisoned” so to speak. Diana rushed out of her office, looking just as exhausted as Ward and I. 

“Mr. Meachum I presume” she stomped straight to Ward holding her hand out. Diana was a short lady, but fiery and very driven. Her thick black hair tamed into a braid and her olive smooth skin covered by a beautiful Marc Jacobs pant suit. Ward grabbed it tightly and introduced him self in the most confidant manor. 

“Thank you for waiting for us, I know it's late” I spoke up eventually.

“When do you know me to have some kind of social life....this is my life....shame we're seeing one another in such circumstances though” Dr. Stephenson began to walk off ahead, Ward and I followed closely behind as we entered her domain. We spent the next hour explaining Ward's treatment. It would be a 4 week program, primarily for both myself and Dr. Stephenson to re-diagnose Ward and help him control his dosage. A prescription medication addiction is quite tricky, especially when you still need said drugs for pre-existing conditions. 

“Have you taken any other non-prescription drugs in the last 6 months” Diana peered over her reading glasses over at Ward who was slumped back rather defeated, his hands clasped together, his knee bouncing anxiously. He remained silent for a moment, contemplating telling the truth or not. I picked up the signs, he would look away and push his tongue against the inside of his cheek. 

“Synthetic heroine, a couple times” I exhaled heavily. Heroine was my choice of drug for a while, it was the darkest time in my past for sure. 

“I see....were you aware of that Dr. Swan” the ultra modern, brightly lit office suddenly became very small and uncomfortable. 

“Uh....no I was not” I found it hard to look at Ward, what was new. I remained focused on my own notes as Dr. Stephenson continued. 

“Ok...well we'll monitor you for any amphetamine withdrawal symptoms to start with....but by your current state....I'd say it's just the prescriptions we need to re-evaluate, I'm a Doctor and I never disregard medication, but it's making sure we control the dosage and help you manage what you need and don't need, it's why I work with Ericka so closely” I glanced over at Ward, he nodded in agreement. I turned back to my notes.

“I've arranged for Ericka to come up and visit every Wednesday for the next 4 weeks, will that be suitable Ward?” He nodded silently once again. I could tell his was closing off, his body language and lack of communication was worrying me. 

“I'll take him to his room and make sure he's settled....if there is any issues you just call me right away” I tucked my pad away in my purse and stood up slowly from my seat.  
“Ward do you not have any next of kin?” before I could explain Ward spoke up, surprising both Diana and I. 

“I have a Sister, I left her number at the front desk if you want to contact her, failing that....Ericka would be next point of call” Ward stood up abruptly from his chair and stuffed his hands into his pockets. 

“Alright then....well I'll see you in the morning for a quick tour....Ericka I'll see you next week” We both shook Diana's hand and left her office in sort of a daze. That crushing silence befell both of us as we collected his key card for his room, and I watched the man behind the desk strap a white band around Ward's wrist. It broke my heart a little bit. 

“I'm sorry about not insisting Joy was contacted first....just” he cut me off as we walked slowly down the corridors to his room. 

“It's fine....I get that you think she's a lost cause but I don't....she's my sister and I have to have some faith she's coming back....she can't hate me forever right” Ward's tone was sharp and somewhat aggressive. I couldn't lie...it scared me a little.

“Ward she doesn't hate you...” my voice shook a little, rather noticeably. 

“Lets save it for next time ok?” Ward snatched his key card from me, and I pulled my hand back and pressed it to my chest. Once he had the door opened he noticed how visibly upset I was. God I wished I could just have kept it together until I left him. “Ericka...I'm just a bit of a mess right now....if you hadn't already figured out, and they say you lash out at the ones you....the ones closest to you” I lent on the wall by his open door, my heart sat painfully in my throat and my head spinning.

“Ward sometimes I wonder if we were destined to meet sometimes” 

“Me too” was all he replied with, then stepped into his new room for the next 4 weeks leaving me leaning on the wall, with a world of inappropriate thoughts swirling around my head....

 

As I dragged my sorry ass into my apartment at 2am, the moment I left Ward kept playing over and over in my mind.

 

(Flashback to the clinic hours before) 

I remained in the door way of his room, nothing like a clinic dorm, but a 5 star resort hotel room. 

“Guess that look you're shooting my way means you're leaving” He sat on the edge of his bed and pointed towards me. “Thought you could stay the night a settle me in” My cheeks flushed almost instantly. “I'm kidding” he laughed nervously and rubbed his hands together. I giggled slightly then sighed.

“I'll see you next week ok....I'm really proud of you Ward..” I had to leave, the tension was too much. As I pushed myself off the door frame I heard Ward fumble up and rush to me. 

“Ericka” I turned in the hallway and watched him make his way speedily towards me, all he wanted was some human affection before he was left with strangers. It was making things much more difficult but I couldn't deny him this. We embraced tightly, I didn't even notice at first that he was stroking my hair and playing with the ends. I had to leave, it had to stop. I pulled away a little more aggressively than intended, he tried to take my hand but I pulled it away. Those sad eyes hit me once again like a fucking bulldozer of emotions. 

“Goodnight Ward” I stepped back and hurried for the exit, making sure I didn't look back...

(Back at Ericka's apartment)

I felt a few tears escape my eyes and trickle down my cheeks, I was slowly undressing in my bedroom mirror. I was so exhausted I just stared at my naked self for sometime and forgot my shower was running, until steam crept into my peripheral vision. My shower was comforting, until I remembered Ward was in here mere hours ago....I hugged my body and just focused on the water running down my skin...and nothing else....


	9. Chapter 8

My mind could not have been more preoccupied even if it tried. I felt apathetic in my sessions, almost like a fraud, someone who shouldn't have Doctor before their name. No matter how many glasses of wine I threw back at night, the dull ache for Ward to be near me would never cease. The week long gap between me leaving him at the clinic and our next session felt like a fucking life time. I expected a least a phone call or even a message for an update. A small part of me wished for him to need me, as horrific it was to think it I couldn't help myself. The self hatred continued as I felt almost excited to see him again. The moment I pulled up at the clinic I wasted no time and found myself hurrying out the car clutching my bags. It seemed a lucid, peaceful day at the clinic, the sun was warming down on the building, I took it as a sign. Walking past the rock pool and through the large bespoke doors outside, I began to navigate my way around. It was a completely random decision to walk through the gardens, however when I saw Ward sitting on a sun lounger reading a book, something in my gut told me this was almost meant to be. I almost didn't want to disturb him, he seemed the most content I had ever seen him, and I feared I wouldn't see him like that ever again. But before I even thought about walking on; Ward glanced up from his pages and spotted me straight away. I remained on the concrete trail that lead to one of the many quiet areas in the garden, part of me felt foolish for wearing my animal print Geiger's, but when in doubt wear your favourite shoes right? I guess in doubt wasn't the correct term, denial perhaps. 

“Morning” I stood above him and gazed down at his book at first. I wasn't familiar with the novel but it looked like some kind of thriller. The look he shot back at me was enough to make me blush. “You're looking better” Albeit he was still a little scruffy looking. Stubble growing a little more around his mouth and jaw, his hair a little off and his eyes looking more tired than ever. 

“What a difference a week makes, maybe I'll be able to sleep by the next” his reply stung a little but that's what I was here for. 

“Shall we get started?” I kept things on track before either one of us derailed it. He groaned lifting himself from his relaxed position and stood in front of me, close enough I thought debating whether or not to take a step back. But I didn't. 

“You...went a little radio silent Ward” My tone was soft and low. Intentionally.

“The first few nights were rough, but I thought best to wait till I saw you....that way we would have longer to talk” that cheeky smirk came back, I had missed it so very much. I replied with my own grin and nodded.

“Very true...so you didn't speak to Diana at all?” I thought it best to begin the journey to Dr. Stephenson's office, otherwise we could have been standing there all damn day. He walked beside me, his hands in the pockets of the sweat pants he had opted to wear. 

“Not really, once I'd gotten over the sweats and the vomiting she came in to check on me but that was it, today's really the first day I've been outside of my room”

“Well I'm proud, maybe after today we can start figuring out what I can do to help you, I mean really help you” 

“You do help me....”Ward stopped, he sounded surprised by my remark. We had found ourselves just in front of the French doors, I turned to face him and shrugged.

“I could have done better” I bit my lip in frustration, then turned back to open the door. Before I could pull the handle down Ward put his hand on top of my own. He didn't say anything and neither did I for a moment. I just looked at his hand interlocking with mine. I finally pulled away and cleared my throat. My skin getting too hot and my head getting too light.

“Come on” I was sharp and walked off ahead as I tried to find the office as quick as I could. Why did I think this would be any easier? 

 

Session 4

9th of June 

Dr. Stephenson had set us up some comfortable chairs and a small table in her office. But it still didn't feel like I was close enough to Ward, this felt cold and somewhat foreign to me.   
His knee bounced as he stared out the window, Dr. Stephenson's office had a much better view than mine did. Even I found myself glancing out of it from time to time. I adjusted my glasses constantly, it seemed to be a nervousness thing but I dove straight into it.

“Why haven't you been sleeping?” was my first question. I dove straight in. 

“A mixture of withdrawals, nightmares...being in a strange place...you can relate right?” He mumbled back at me, resting his chin in the palm of his hand, still staring out the window. I paused, and then sighed heavily. What he didn't know was I had to be restrained for the first few nights of my stay at a rehab centre and they didn't take kindly to junkies who fought off treatment. I gripped my pen in rage, then released my tension and continued. 

“Nightmares about what Ward?” He finally turned his head to look at me. 

“Almost always Harold, sometimes I relive what he did to me...sometimes he's just there...watching me live my life...” I started scribbling notes. “My sister was shot...and I almost watched her die, she bled all over me and that....sticks with you as you can imagine” I looked up over my glasses and nodded in agreement. “She left me because I almost got her killed protecting her from someone she was so blinded by” his voice was so low and quiet, soft and full of woe. I lent forward and took my glasses off.

“By who, a Boyfriend?” Ward shook his head. 

“Our Father” he didn't hesitate, or blink or stutter, he stared straight at me with nothing but sincerity in his voice. The hairs on my arms stood on end as I shuffled awkwardly in my chair. I was afraid of this, Ward's deep mental anguish and years of abuse had lead him to imagine that his father was always there, always watching him and ready to strike him whenever necessary. I had left the silence long enough for Ward to grow concerned. “You think I'm insane....of course you do, dead men usually stay dead....but Doc....stranger things have happened...Ericka I'm telling you this because I trust you enough to realize I'm not just making this up” I threw my glasses down onto the table along with my pad and pen. I stood up and walked around carefully, I crouched down by his side and held onto the arm of the chair. 

“I don't think you're insane...you were abused by someone who was supposed to love you and protect you and that has had a PROFOUND effect on you..”

“So what you're saying is that I'm so mentally and emotionally damaged that I manifested Harold into being to torment me....” his tone grew pointed and unwelcoming. I gripped the arm and shook my head. “BECAUSE HIM BEATING ME FELT PRETTY DAMN REAL....HIM SMASHING ME ON THE BACK OF MY HEAD AND TRYING TO KILL ME FELT PRETTY FUCKING REAL” He snapped, I didn't expect this. I stumbled up to my feet almost falling to the carpet below and lent onto Diana's desk. He could see I was afraid. He stood up and a lent further back on the desk. Was this because he wasn't getting his medication....or at least not as much as he was taking. I was here to make a diagnosis, to see what he needed and didn't need. But I was beginning to feel that the Ward I met way back when wasn't the one that I was dealing with now. 

“Ericka I'm sorry I....” I held up my hand to silence him. He remained quiet and still as I walked over to him. I stood before him, much closer than I should have been and took my right hand and felt the back of his head very carefully. I felt the scar...still somewhat raised and by Ward's flinching still raw. That rage in his eyes faded and they grew gentle once more, he was giving me those puppy dog eyes knowing it would work on me. “I just wanna get better...I just want to have a normal...life” his voice cracked as I noticed tears welling in his eyes. Ward had finally hit a wall of emotion he couldn't fight any longer. He started sobbing as I pulled him into a meaningful embrace and let him release all that anguish and pain onto me. “Please don't give up on me” he gripped me so tight it almost hurt. He loosened his grip on me and I cupped his face. 

“You will get better and you will have a normal life, I swear it” he lent his forehead onto mine....this was dangerous territory....but I found myself NOT fighting it and not pulling away. Even when his arms where sliding around my waist...and pulling me against his body, I hesitated to stop it. But thank god I did.

“Ward” I gripped his wrists gently, and removed his arms from around my body. “Emotions are clearly high...and...tempers fraying” He stepped back and looked down from me.   
“I'm gonna authorize controlled doses of you're anti anxiety and depressant medication, absolutely no pain medication what so ever....unless ABSOLUTELY necessary you understand?” I stepped back towards my chair and left Ward standing alone and in a way feeling a little foolish. 

“Sure....whatever you think is best Doctor” he slipped himself back down into his chair and grabbed some tissues from the box in front of him. “If you're still unsure about what I said....if you have an ounce of trust in my sanity....contact Jerri Hogarth...or even Claire Temple....they can vouch for me Ericka” I took account of the names. Jerri Hogarth....I knew that name very well...a patient of mine not so long ago....the most terrifying and hard working lawyer in all of New York but deeply traumatized herself. But this Claire I was unaware of. I didn't make out I would go looking for answers, but for my peace of mind...I think I had to. 

“You wanna take a breather?” I picked up my glasses and slid them back onto my face. “I just gotta get this prescriptions filled” I watched Ward wipe his face free from tears then blow his nose. 

“Ok....you're staying a little longer right?” I smiled down at him and nodded.

“We've still got plenty of time” and with that I slipped out of the office with my phone in hand, I was shaking....I had kept it together in there but as much as Ward was slipping so was I. I scrolled through my phone, desperately trying to find the number I needed. I crashed against a wall and just stopped for a moment to breath, then I found it. I dialed it and waited patiently, I had reached the voicemail...but it would have to do.

“Hey Jerri it's me Ericka Swan....if you get a moment call me back...really appreciate it thanks” ….


	10. Chapter 9

I stepped back into the room, Ward was sitting on Diana's desk waiting patiently for me to return.   
“So do I have to wait in line for my cup of pills like I'm in some funny farm?” I tried to look over this childish tone but I just sighed and rolled my eyes as I passed him a pill box with the letters S M T W T F S. 

“This isn't some institution Ward, you get this filled in every Saturday evening while you're here”

“Two pills a day?” Ward popped open his Wednesday compartment and examined it. 

“How many were you taking?” I tried to cover the paternal concern in my voice.

“A handful....at least” he scoffed at his own remark and closed the box. I rested my ass against the desk beside him and crossed my arms. “You mad at me for earlier?” He looked my way raising one eyebrow in curiosity. 

“God no....Ward you're going through something awful...you'd have to do a lot worse to push me away, but I do have to head back fairly soon, 4 hour drive and all....”

“Shit....am I really that far away from all my bullshit” the realisation hit him as he looked down.

“Oh yeah....I came up here for a vacation years ago...I honestly have never been more at peace, I love New York but....it's nice to escape from it all” I took off my glasses and cleaned them, in the ever so anxious way I usually did. 

“Maybe you could show me sometime...” I sat up straight and tried to hide a smile, but it was hard to control. 

“You have no idea how much I'd love that” I whispered back, he looked at me with infatuation. “But we digress once again” I pushed myself up from the desk and pointed to the chair opposite my own. 

“We do that a lot, or is it just me?” Ward slumped down into his chair and gave me that look....the one I couldn't resist. 

“I can take some of the blame but only some....but I am here to do a job, and it's something we can't take lightly” Ward's cheeky smirk was disappearing, it was becoming clear that he wasn't seeing me as his therapist any more, which was most certainly my fault. 

“I'm sorry again....Harold....he does this to me...did this to me. He's gone now....I know because that I watched him die....but....uh the things he did....” his eyes stared blankly ahead....and his hands shook in his lap. 

“Just give me one example, just one Ward. I'm not asking you to describe each instance of abuse” he managed to look at me and cleared his throat.

“I tied my tie wrong before this fundraiser Rand was hosting...so my doting Dad....pulled it around my neck to teach me a lesson...I still remember how it felt....how scared I was” Ward rubbed his neck. “I was 11 years old....funny thing is that asshole never taught me how to tie a God damn tie” I nodded. 

“I can only presume Joy never saw any of this, or experienced anything remotely like this” 

“Joy was Harold's princess....she was never expected to be something more than she was, Joy was Joy and he loved her unconditionally, I couldn't have been more of a disappointment to him if I tried”

“What was your Grandfather like?” I scribbled rapidly as I fired my question to him. 

“Thank God I never met him....but I knew what he did to Harold so go figure I guess” Ward mumbled looking away from me again. I could see how uncomfortable this was making him, but this was necessary. 

“I get the idea, there's no doubt in my mind that your Father is the main cause of all of this, was there any part of you that thought about pulling away....leaving that legacy...the money....to escape the abuse”

“I couldn't leave Joy” was his instant response. “She wouldn't leave, she watched Dad die and felt even more inclined to stay and run the company, that bastard tied our inheritance into the business so we both felt like we had no choice, so I became the face of Rand at 18....Joy followed soon after” 

“Joy loved Harold?” 

“Yep....more than me it seems” he lulled his head back and looked up at the ceiling. His knee was bouncing up and down erratically. 

“And how does that make you feel Ward?” asking that all important question, I waited patiently for him to respond. He didn't look at me, and just replied with utter pain in his voice

“That I am completely alone, that no one will ever love me” my heart ached...so much so I closed my note book, I wanted to end the session. But before I did I had one last thing to say.

“You live this terribly demanding and lonely life....but it doesn't mean no one will ever love you Ward....people do love you”

“Well when you find them let me know” Ward being his nihilistic self gave me my final indication to end the day. 

“Ok Ward...do you feel like we've made some progress today? Despite the outburst?” He didn't say anything and kept his gaze from me “Ward?” 

“I do, I was just stalling so you didn't have to leave so soon” I scoffed and half smiled putting my glasses away in their case. “But...I mean telling you that tie story was a big step right?” I stood up and rushed to his side. He stood up and our faces met. 

“YES...oh god Ward yes....it's all progress, and I know I keep saying it but I'm so proud of you” I grabbed his shoulders and squeezed them dotingly. My hands slipped from his shoulders and pulled him into my body. “Keep me updated the next few days ok; even if it's what you had for breakfast I wanna know ok?” 

“Ok Doc....you have my word” I slipped from his grip before we both found it too hard to let go. I headed for the door and just before I could duck out....Ward called to me.

“You really think someone could love me for me?” He was perched on the arm of the chair once again. I paused in the doorway and answered the best way I could.

“You're gonna make someone so happy some day....and they are gonna be so lucky to have you” The smile we both shared was warm, then before I could let Ward say anything else I left. 

 

I drove home mentally and physically exhausted. My professional and private lives were crashing when it came to Ward and any respectable psychiatrist would move on from this kind of relationship. As much as I wanted to help Ward....I was letting my emotions get the better of me. I toyed with the idea of giving Ward up as a patient; but I cared too much to do that to him. But I couldn't let my work be influenced on how I felt about him and his situation. Was I putting too much time into him and neglecting others? Had I reached the point of no return? Nothing would hurt me more than to lose my credibility. Luckily my brain going into overdrive kept me from falling asleep on my way home, and it was near on 7pm as I pulled into the garage under my apartment building and quietly sat in my car just for a moment to reflect. I checked my phone. Nothing from Jerri, but a missed call from an unknown number. I was too tired to worry about it, so I made my way up to my apartment. I instantly noticed a young blonde haired man standing by my door. As ever I grew nervous and reached for my pepper spray in my bag....until the man turned to face me and I was greeted with a somewhat known face. Danny Rand was standing outside my door, and what a relief that was. 

“Daniel Rand?” I still remained cautious and I pulled my keys out instead of my pepper spray.

“Dr. Swan?” 

“Indeed” I nodded as I reached the door. I put down my bags and shook Danny's hand tightly. 

“Although I'm happy to finally meet you I got to say I'm a little concerned you found my apartment, I suppose Rand has....access beyond my knowledge”

“I did go to your office, but I was told you were on a out of town appointment....in desperation I may have....snooped a little” I rolled my eyes and sighed. “You can trust me though....I have a good heart I swear it” He pressed his hand to his chest and I nodded.

“It's ok Mr. Rand I trust you....just next time get my number or drop me an email ok?” he nodded and continued his rambling. 

“I was told you had been treating Ward....everyone at Rand think's he's on vacation, but....by what Megan told me...it's not like that at all” I unlocked my door and shook my head. 

“I can't divulge fully, but Ward is currently at one of the finest rehab centres up-state...he's had a rough time since both you and Joy left, please come in” I picked up my bags and led Danny into my apartment. I noticed his loose fitting clothes, beard and messy hair. The polar opposite to Ward, well they do say there is a ying to every yang. “I have been treating him for about a month now...but he's getting better....but I'm so glad you're back....Ward needs some support right now and someone needs to take care of Rand while he's getting back on his feet” Danny looked at me with an air of confusion.

“Things really that bad?” I nodded. 

“Drink?” I pulled a bottle of red from the rack, Danny refused as I poured myself a glass silently. 

“Who is running Rand right now?”  
“Not who should be...that's who....look Ward didn't want to divulge fully about what you've been doing but It was important enough for you to leave...and I respect that” I sipped as I watched Danny sit on one of my kitchen stools. “I think it's best if you go see him, let him tell you what happened and....maybe he won't feel so....alone in all of this” His look turned from dumbfounded to earnest. 

“Ward and I have had a difficult past, he might not react well to seeing me after I left him to run the company” Danny looked at his hand, then back at me. 

“I'm sure he just wants to see a familiar face right now is all” Was all I could say. Ward may react positively seeing Danny, although it wasn't Joy....it was a start. I gave Danny the address and left it up to him. Although I was curious to ask Danny about the whole Harold coming back from the dead scenario Ward had screamed at me about....all I wanted was some rest and asked Danny if it was of to continue this conversation another time....


	11. Chapter 10

Wards POV: 

I woke up with a sickly smile across my face. I hadn't dreamt in years, not like that at least. I sat up and ran my hands down my face as I replayed what my subconscious treated me to last night. I was home, and she was laying in bed with me, just looking back at me adoringly. I stretched then scratched my jaw. The sharp stubble growing rapidly had to be tamed, especially before Ericka came back. I remembered the kiss, albeit it was in my head...it still felt so real. After contemplating staying in bed, I mean only if there were a tiny chance I would I dream about her again, I made the decision to attempt a proactive day. The clinic offered so much, yet I was just as happy to sit and read, to escape. I sent Dr. Swan a message, I promised her I would keep her updated on even the little things. I knew she'd regret saying that to me, but I couldn't help but think it was making her laugh and roll her eyes in some way. 

About to shower, just woke up.   
She replied in minutes.

Good Morning :) 

I savored it. It wasn't much but it meant everything to me. 

“Morning Ward” Sam, most possibly the most stunning Yoga instructor I had met outside of New York greeted me the same way she did every morning since I'd arrived. 

“Sam” I replied with, along with a nod. She leant on the wall by the cafeteria, hoping I would say more than a few words to her this time.

“You gonna come to one of my classes some time? I promise Yoga will work wonders for your recovery” I couldn't tell if it was her being cute or her actually showing interest in my recovery. She was attractive and friendly but I didn't know her....I didn't know anyone here, not really. I just walked past her and simply replied with.

“I'll think about it” 

I didn't need Yoga....I knew what I needed and that was that. A quick text to let Ericka know exactly what I had for breakfast, as per request. I laughed to myself clicking send. Her reply;

Mine was half a cup of coffee and a bite of Seb's bagel....gotta love sleeping in late. Have a great day Ward.

My skin grew warm and I couldn't bite back my grin. I noticed two figures heading towards me in my peripheral, I ignored it until it became clear who it was. I pushed my plate back and let my phone drop onto the table as I watched Danny Rand walk over with Dr. Stephenson beside him. 

I stood up, very slowly and waited for the two of them to reach me. Only the table sat between Danny and I, and he looked at me the same way he did when he walked back into my life all those months ago.

“Ward....what happened” I heard a hint of concern on his voice. I decided to let my guard down only slightly. 

“Well....things get on top of you when everyone you know either dies or abandons you” Danny nodded gently and crossed his arms across his chest. I tried my best not to be that guy....but after what I had been through it was hard not to. 

“I want to help, in anyway I can”

“What so you can hurry off and fight ninjas while I'm OD-ing in a hotel room” I noticed Dr. Stephenson brow furrow as she cleared her throat.

“Ward, maybe you and Danny would feel more comfortable in my office” Danny and I just looked back at one another and nodded. Things needed to be discussed, things people didn't need to overhear.

We were standing in the office. Arms crossed, unwavering, stubborn and both angry. But Danny still seemed semi concerned about my well being. 

“Joy left, you left....attach that onto my already heavy load of abandonment issues and abuse Harold put me through I'd had enough. I thought you were gonna stick around and help me run the company...” I didn't want to show an ounce of weakness in front of Danny, but it just all got too much once again. 

“You said you understood, that I had to return to Kun-Lun, Ward the company has been thriving, I thought you were thriving”

“WELL...DANNY...you thought wrong...Ok I know I said I understood but in reality...I was desperate for you not to go, as much as you brought nothing but aggravation into mine and Joy's lives....you helped the company tear away from The Hand and....you helped me get rid of Harold for good” I turned away from him and paced over to the window. I looked out and tried to think of Ericka, she must have sent him here...thinking it would do me good somehow. “I suppose you met Dr. Swan” 

“She told me where you were, the only person that knew exactly where you were....you trust her?”

“Of course I do, god knows where I'd be if she hadn't found me in that hotel room” I heard Danny shift uncomfortably. “She's amazing” I mumbled, but clear enough Danny heard. He walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. “I never really dealt with the whole Dad things properly and...the drugs and....Joy I...” I stopped myself before I got too emotional. I rubbed my jaw and sighed. 

“I'm sorry Ward...I had no idea things were this bad...I meant what I said, I wanna help....I'll get back to Rand and run it as best I can”

“Danny, you're a living weapon not a damn business man, remember what happened last time you entered a board room?” I scoffed a little and turned to face him. Danny frowned and shook his head.

“I may be the Iron Fist but I was Danny Rand first, and your friend Ward. How ever long it takes for you to get back on your feet I promise I'll stick around” Danny held out his hand for me to shake. I rolled my eyes. 

“You can't promise that, what if some ancient evil organisation rises up and you have to punch your way through them” the sarcasm was thick, but adding a cheeky smirk at the end of it ensured Danny that I accepted his proposal. We shook hands. But Danny had other ideas. He pulled me in for a hug. I was stiff at first, uncomfortable with his decision to show me an ounce of true affection. But in reality, I craved it. A face I knew and trusted had come home. Maybe Joy wasn't far behind. It gave me hope. I slapped Danny's back.

“Thanks for coming back” Danny just patted my back as well and nodded. Our hug ended and I began to list off things Danny needed to do when he got back to Rand. Only things I trusted with myself....I was now for some reason trusting with Danny. I just hoped I wasn't going to regret this decision.....

Ericka's 

“I'm going to lunch” I rushed past Seb and headed for the elevator. 

“In a rush?”

“I'm REALLY hungry” I shouted before the doors closed shut. I pulled my phone from my purse and noticed the missed call from Ward. My heart pounded in my throat uncontrollably. Dry mouth and glazed vision. The signs of infatuation were all there but once again I denied them.   
He answered almost instantly.

“Hey, busy morning?”

“As always, I would have answered but back to back sessions meant a 2pm lunch break....everything ok Ward?” He hadn't called me before, only messaged so of course I was worried. 

“You sent Danny my way didn't you?” thank god he went I thought mouthing the words YES and fist pumping.

“Danny came to me last night, he needed to know how bad it had gotten Ward...you can be mad if you want but remember I'm the trained professional” I could hear and feel his smile down the phone. 

“Yeah yeah I know...but you....as always were right Ericka, Danny is going to help run the company while I'm....indisposed” the elevator opened and I began to head out, not even thinking about food any more. My cheeks were flushed pink, yet still I denied it all. 

“Good, your healing process has only just begun but taking a break from the work , maybe think about taking a vacation somewhere very very far away, a place that's warm where you can sit by a pool and read a good book and get lost in it” I even thought my voice sounded soothing and inviting. Ward fell silent for a moment I heard him sigh then he spoke.

“Maybe....Maui?”

“I've heard its nice, can't say I've ever been....anywhere really” I giggled then stopped myself. Stop it stop it STOP IT. I cleared my throat as Ward seemed surprised at my lack of travel.

“Maybe you should take the break?” I laughed and sighed myself. Un-fucking-likely. 

“You're sweet...” once again a moment of silence fell between us and I knew it was time to end the conversation. If anyone could hear our conversations, or even had the slightest idea as to how I felt about him...my career would be snatched from me without a second thought. I thought about it, losing everything I had worked for.....it hurt, fucking stung. If I could just keep it together for long enough, just until Ward was back on his feet. But then how long would that be. Ripping the band aid off now, fast and sudden would perhaps make it hurt less. But he'll still remember it. My lunch that day was spent pondering over my own morals, while I lifelessly stabbed my salad.


End file.
